I remember taking my first Meyers Briggs (MBTI) personality type assessment in high school for a Gifted and Talented class I took as a senior. I was fascinated by what the resulting report said about me. INTJ – what does that mean? I avidly read the report as well as books on the topic. Fast forward, over two decades later, I am still learning about my MBTI type. It’s true – my type has remained pretty much the same year after year. Learning how I can be the best INTJ version of myself has helped me be a better professional, a better leader, even a better romantic partner – sharing with others how I like to consume information or how I need time alone to recharge – that it’s not anything personal to them, but just how I am built.
But how do I be the best INTJ version of myself in mini-retirement? Without the corporate environment, without the back-to-back schedule, without the structure I was used to, how do I adjust my behaviors to bring out the best of me? This post discusses some things I have learned about myself while in mini-retirement and outlines a couple of things I’m working on.
Overview of INTJ Type
Before I discuss how I am experiencing my mini-retirement as an INTJ, I would like to share a frame through which to interpret MBTI types. While there are a plethora of resources on MBTI, I have found one of the most helpful to be Personality Hacker. I fervently listened and processed the podcasts that co-hosts Antonio Dodge and Joel Mark Witt have recorded – finding their observations of my INTJ type to be very spot on. A helpful frame they use to organize insights is the ‘Car model.’ At a very high and overly simplistic level, this model outlines four useful areas for each personality type: the “Driver” as the type’s dominant strength; the “Co-Pilot” as the type’s enabler (complementing its strength); the “10-Year Old” as the type’s known weakness (often looking at others for validation); and the “3-Year Old” as the type’s unknown weakness or blind spot (causing inner turmoil). I interpret these areas, again overly simplistically, as: lead with your Driver; complement with your Co-Pilot; avoid leading with your 10-Year Old; be aware of and exercise your 3-Year Old.
Applying the Car model to the INTJ type, several insights emerge for me:
- Driver: Perspectives
The INTJ has the natural talent to jump into other people’s perspectives – and see patterns. INTJs naturally connect dots from a macro or global perspective. And by understanding where others are coming from and drawing insights that relate to others’ experiences, INTJs can influence others with their thoughts. This makes them naturally fit for consulting, teaching, writing, and/or leading with their ideas. Also important to note that INTJs need time alone – away from distractions – to build their perspectives - Co-Pilot: Effectiveness
While the INTJ’s perspectives is inward-facing, effectiveness is outward-facing; it’s how INTJs make decisions and interact with the world. INTJs are at their best when they apply their ideas and concepts, pilot their proofs of concept and adjust them with feedback, and ultimately see their designs bear fruit. INTJs also best utilize their perspectives by taking a ‘ROI approach’ – efficiently generating the most output with less time/resources invested. This helps the INTJ fall into the perfectionist trap, an all-too-common scenario when they are spinning wheels overthinking, overanalyzing, and perfecting their concepts. - 10-Year Old: Authenticity
Speaking of spinning wheels, Authenticity is where INTJs can get caught up in a seemingly endless loop. Authenticity is fascinated with answering the subjective question ‘What is true to me?’ – self reflecting and understanding one’s identity. INTJs are not as talented with answering these questions as they are with (objectively) describing others’ perspectives. Danger occurs when they develop subjective perspectives without an objective co-pilot; if they abandon the ROI approach, they may get stuck in overanalyzing these very subjective questions. Some common loops are: assuming malicious intent by others and avoiding relationships to prevent getting hurt; shedding or evading responsibilities with the excuse of ‘that’s not me’ or ‘I’m not good at that’; and over-thinking an idea because the INTJ feels (rather than measures) that it’s not good enough. - 3-Year Old: Sensation
Sensation is about the body’s connection with the outside world through our senses. INTJs are not naturally sensing individuals, often getting lost in their thoughts and missing what’s happening around them or even what their bodies are telling them (e.g., hungry, sick). Without routine maintenance of the body and senses, disaster inevitably occurs. This is when an INTJ is known to over-indulge: over eat, over drink, over spend, etc. And if this becomes a repeated pattern, then addictions form – upward and downward cycles – and associated states of fatigue, laziness, and depression.
How my INTJ Type Shows Up in Mini-Retirement
Leaving the suits and oxfords of the corporate life for the t-shirts and flip flops of mini-retirement came with risks for me as an INTJ. I made a successful career – first in consulting and then as a corporate executive – by leveraging by perspectives and effectiveness. I thrived on developing enterprise strategies and organized plans, best delivering results when I had clear timelines, teams and resources. It was very much a black and white, objective environment. So trading this for a rainbow-colored, subjective environment presented its challenges. I have experienced a key challenge in each of my car model functions:
- Perspectives: Not gathering perspectives as quickly
Without a job – and the strategic role, influence, and social networks that came along with it – I felt like I was drifting for a bit. My first year was spent getting everything set up, so it gave me some use of perspectives by researching how to do certain activities and consulting other expats on living in Thailand. But this was done without much structure or expectations from others; in this way, I had to be more entrepreneurial and proactive with gathering perspectives and connecting dots. - Effectiveness: Lack of metrics
In the corporate world, I thrived on metrics. My objective goals are thrown out the window when I early retired – replaced with more subjective goals. How do I measure happiness? How do I measure purpose? I came up with goals such as ‘get PADI open water certified’ and ‘go to the highest point of Vietnam at Fansipan’ – but did these really measure my purpose of mini retiring in the first place? It didn’t take too long for my effectiveness to take a back seat, leading to the third challenge I faced… - Authenticity: Overanalyzing myself
A close friend recently shared with me that while most people don’t spend much time at all on self reflection, I spent hours upon hours a week doing this in mini retirement. Is self reflection healthy? Sure. But can self reflection be done in an unhealthy way? There were certainly times over the past year and a half when I felt caught in a loop – asking myself, “Who am I without all of these expectations people place on me?” I often did things because I felt like it, felt like it was my true self, but then turning around and doubting myself and my own identity. Did I actually like scuba diving? Did I actually enjoy taking photos of my food on Instagram? And the more and more time I got stuck in self reflection, the more I neglected my body and my senses, which led to the fourth challenge… - Sensation: Over-indulging
Mini-retirement is a breeding ground for indulgences. I can easily eat too much, drink too much, just lose myself in my satiating my bodily desires and making myself feel good. In many ways, I am compensating for all those years when I starved my body and my senses. I have done more travel in the past year than I had done in a decade. It’s so easy to spend mini retirement as a very long, very extended vacation. Want a massage and spend all week in a day spa? Definitely possible in Thailand. It can feel like Odysseus stuck in the land of the Lotus Eaters – and forgetting why he and his crew were there in the first place.
What I am Working On
- Perspectives: generating insights daily
At first, in my mini retirement, I sought to slow down my thoughts. To calm my mind. I meditated daily. I practiced yoga and mindfulness. I completed two vipassana retreats. And I believe I was largely able to be more present in the moment, not always be glued to my devices, or distracting myself with mental consumption (e.g., reading, Netflix) which I found to accelerate my thoughts. But a year into my mini retirement, I realized that the goal wasn’t actually to slow down my thoughts but to focus them. I’m reminded by what the monk said: mindfulness is not stopping your mind; it is disciplining your mind. And so I began to (slowly) work on focusing my thoughts on meaningful pursuits. I replaced PowerPoint decks on enterprise strategies with writing on my own journey. At first, it felt awkward to connect dots outside the business world and more onto my own personal experiences – but the more I flexed this muscle, the easier my perspectives began to flow. This is still a work-in-progress, but I think I’m improving on the pace and quality of my writings – and nearing the point when I would like to interview other expats and mini-retired individuals, which could help me map further dots to connect and complement my own. - Effectiveness: testing my insights in the world
I attempted to switch from productivity measures in the corporate environment to more subjective measures in my mini retirement. I measured, for example, what brings me happiness every day or how strong I felt my connections to family and friends are. But this has been challenging. I told myself that it’s about the process – that the process is the reward – not the outcomes, but I struggled with this approach. I think a part of why I struggled is because I inadvertently allowed my 10-year old onto the co-pilot seat, demoting my effectiveness, and then got caught in a loop during which I felt less and less energized, less and less motivated around the progress I was making. Was I growing? Was I learning? More recently, I found more traction with measuring my insights: how many posts I am able to blog, how many people I am sharing my perspectives with (and garnering feedback), and hitting milestones related to setting up my blog or podcast. I feel my rate of learning and growth has picked up since – and I’m excited to see, now that Effectiveness is back in the co-pilot seat, where this takes me. - Authenticity: take action > self reflect
There’s a time to self reflect. And there’s a time to take action. The loop I found myself in – likely once or twice every month – is when I would retreat into my shell, stay in the comfort of my house or in cafes by myself – and write, write, write. I have found that if the time I spend on self reflection relative to that of engaging with the world exceeds 50%, and especially when it gets to 75%+, I run the danger of self doubt, lethargy, and fatigue. And if I’m not too careful, I then indulge in my senses, e.g., splurge on extravagant meals and wine, or travel to exotic places. With these patterns in mind, I purposely now limit my time of self reflection to four hours a day. I have noticed that it’s the evenings, not the mornings, when I risk over-running on these four hours – potentially taking an excessive amount of time to journal about myself, or to think by myself about myself. I have learned that measured doses, not overdoses, are best with INTJs answering questions about their authenticity. Now it’s just about how to calibrate my doses. - Sensation: scheduling (and limiting) time for my senses
I also have begun to limit my time engaging my senses – lest I run the risk of over-indulgence. Sure, there were weeks when I ate out too much, had way too many massages, and explored enough wine bottles to remind me of my corporate days. But I also swung the pendulum too far the other way, some times cutting off my senses – e.g., acting like a monk in my own home – which turns the pressure on until my metaphorical lid flips. Balance is important with my senses. I purposely schedule time now, every week, to sensory activities that bring me lasting joy (versus that ‘hangover’ I feel afterwards): exercise, cafe hopping, eating out, massages, etc. And I have found that by striking this better balance, I can walk that line between the hedonist and the monk – and by so doing, bring out the best INTJ in me, the one who is effective with his insightful perspectives.
Summary
How do I embrace being an INTJ in mini-retirement? I think the first step is acceptance – for the leopard to realize it can’t change its spots. I’m an INTJ, and climbing the corporate ladder or not, I’m not going to apologize for being one; but rather, I’m going to be proud in my uniqueness. Next, it’s around focus. I want to focus my time and energy on what makes me unique: generating perspectives and being effective in sharing these perspectives. Last, it’s about balance. Not to over-do my authenticity or my sensory indulgences, not to veer off the rails, but rather to schedule and limit these activities – avoiding loops and traps of over-thinking and over-indulgence.
I wish you acceptance, focus, and balance in embracing your unique personality type. And I can’t wait to see the special you, the unique you, the brighter you who shows up on the other side.
~Lester T